Tell me something good...the WTF appt

Well, if anything has been anticlimactic, it was today's appointment.

Let me start by saying, once again, that I really like my RE. She started the visit by hugging KG and I several times. She is kind, empathetic, patient, and talks to me like an adult. She is also on a bunch of "Best Doctors" lists, which makes her warmth even more surprising.

This is the gist in bullets (because I love bullets). Don't expect to be blown away by new information.

• They still have no idea why we had zero fertilization with 19 mature eggs and good lookin' sperm.
• They checked for every possible reason including, but not limited to, lab error, culture medium, egg/sperm quality, batch quality issues, etc.
• They see this kind of zero fertilization (with young, healthy eggs and good sperm) a few times per year. It is VERY rare, which is why she didn't mention it as a possibility before retrieval. More often, they see it with MFI, bad eggs, or low ovarian reserve. She said it could be something as intangible as the sperm/eggs not liking the lab environment.
• The embryologist reported NOTHING unusual with our sperm or eggs.
• Sperm did adhere to my eggs, but they did not break through and fertilize. This gives me hope for ICSI next time. Maybe if we can just get those suckers inside my eggs, all will be well.
• They do not do rescue ICSI because there are almost no documented case of it resulting in pregnancy. Eggs have a 24 hour shelf life, and therefore injecting sperm past that time is useless. This Oxford article supports that claim.
• At one time, most clinics did do ICSI on all IVF cases. However, she said currently most clinics (maybe those in New England?) have decided that, unless a couple has pre-existing reasons for ICSI, they want to be as minimally invasive as possible.* Now that we show a reason for its use...
• They will not change my med protocol much because my E2 (estrogen) and follicle development were perfect. I also had no OHSS (THANK GOD). All good things.
• I asked what we would do if we still had zero fertilization after ICSI, and she said that she had no answer for that right now because it has never happened at this clinic. Interesting! If it did happen, it would go to review with her colleagues.

Sooooo...

The Plan
1. Wait for AF (she will probably arrive next week)
2. Call CD1, go back on BCP on day 3.
3. Do at least 3-4 weeks of pills, during which time insurance authorization and potential Lupron start date all get worked out.
4. Keep going for electro-acupuncture to try and fix up my ovaries
5. Go in for pre-Lupron ultrasound to make sure I am not all cyst-y
6. Start. all. the. fuck. over.

By my estimate, that leaves us starting Lupron again in late March, if all goes well.

I know I'm supposed to be comforted by the fact that a zero fert outcome with ICSI is so rare, but unfortunately I have googled the crap out of all of this and know that it is possible. But, what else can we do? We can keep moving forward.

In the meantime, I'm thinking some margaritas, pedicures, and frivolous spending is on the agenda.

Have I mentioned I had my first shellac manicure over the weekend? Life changing, I tell you.



*Please don't be offended or think anything is wrong with your clinic if they do ICSI on all cases. I wish my clinic would.

Times Like These

Yesterday, I had an important, tough, and emotional conversation with my mom.

Today, I saw my therapist (a good thing for everyone) and brought home 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Tomorrow, we have our WTF?! appointment with the RE, armed with a long list of questions.

I'm tired already.

P.S. KG has written some of the best post-its ever this week.






I want to send a big, huge congratulations to many of my fellow bloggers who either had successful transfers or BFPs this week. There seemed to be a big wave of good luck flowing through the blogosphere.

Poker Face

In my dreams, this turned out differently. When I wake, I still have a few moments of forgetting that this cycle was a complete failure.

At work, I manage to keep busy. While I teach a lesson on long division, my sterile eggs aren't the first thing on my mind. But, then the kids go to recess, and I sit at my desk for a minute or two. At those times, I get waves of pain and sadness, feeling my eyes well up with tears. Luckily, it is never long before I hear someone coming down the hall, and I pull myself together, putting on my poker face.

However, my poker face isn't that great. Co-workers have noticed that something is off. I have been asked several times this week, "Are you okay?" I usually brush off the question with one excuse or another (I actually do have some sinus issues this week), but it gets exhausting.

Driving is also prime time for falling apart. Being the sap that I am, if the wrong song comes on the radio, I'm doomed.  Hell, Rhianna sent me over the edge this morning. What must other drivers think of me when they see me sobbing behind the wheel?

It just feels so surreal. I keep expecting the phone to ring and have the nurse on the other end of the line, scheduling my transfer. I keep trying to grasp what happened, and it isn't working. Instead I just feel lost, floating through my days.

The thing is, this was supposed to work. IVF was supposed to be the answer. At the beginning of our TTC journey, IVF seemed like the ultimate safety net. If all else failed, that was our solution. But, when the one thing that was supposed to work doesn’t, it brings up feelings that I haven't felt since my miscarriage.

I know, I know. It isn't the same thing. And really, I'm not saying it is. But, the feelings of injustice, betrayal, disappointment, and hopelessness are the same. Until August of 2010, I had never felt that kind of pain. It was a quick and excruciating kind of education. At least this time, I am more prepared. I learned some key things then that I am trying to remind myself of now:

1. Although tempting to stay in bed and re-live the horror over and over again, it is better to make the difficult decision to shower, get dressed, and leave my apartment.
2. Better to cry and get it out then to suppress the feelings, only to explode all over an unwitting target.
3. Put on my own oxygen mask first, before trying to help others. These are the times when I need to let people support me without worrying that I am somehow taking advantage of them.
4. Don't forget that His Royal Fabulousness is feeling all of these emotions too, even if he isn't as obvious about it. This can't be emphasized enough. Although KG has been a total rock star this week, I know that this has deeply hurt him, and he is going through his own grief too.

As we gather questions to bring to the RE next week, one main question outshines the others:  
What will make next time any different?

Thank You

The support I got from all of you yesterday was staggering and humbling. Some of you even said how much my blog helps you, and that made me feel extremely grateful. I am so lucky to have you all, as well as my wonderful friends IRL.

There are no words to describe how stunned and disappointed we are. It still seems surreal. I have to say, of all the worries I had about this cycle, I didn't see this one coming. One minute, I was waiting to hear when my transfer would be, the next the ground disappeared beneath me. I was at school when I got the call, and apparently I turned as white as a ghost and staggered out of my classroom. Thank goodness I have a teaching partner who could take over. I apparently drove home (although it's foggy in my memory) and then spent the next 8 hours crying off and on, finally passing out at 8:30.

Biggest lesson learned? Don't go to sleep after crying that long. I woke up this morning looking like a swollen monster - seriously, it looked like I needed an Epipen.

Today, we are trying to regroup and make sense of what happened. This is extremely difficult with so little information.

His Royal Fabulousness and I have the same questions that many of you asked in your comments. Here are some of the things I know:
1. 19 of my 23 eggs were mature and healthy.
2. KG's sperm also all looked good.
3. They expected excellent fertilization and my RE was genuinely shocked.
4. She said they checked for lab error, compared with other ER's that day, and spoke with the embryologist.
5. At this point, there is no explanation for why none of my eggs fertilized. They think this could be why my IUIs didn't work, but they can't point to a specific problem.
6. The RE said we will do ICSI next time, and that they have good success rates. They don't do ICSI unless there are known sperm/egg issues, so therefore we did not plan on it for my first retrieval. I also plan on asking about assisted hatching. I did ask about why they couldn't do ICSI after the fact and her nurse said it was too late.
7. I am at one of the top fertility clinics in the country, seeing one of the top REs, in one of the medical centers of the universe (Boston). I don't think this is a result of a lab error. I think this is just a really fucked up, rare, horrible outcome to an otherwise promising IVF cycle.

Where do we go from here? For now, we are on hold. I stopped all meds and now have to wait for AF. Then I'll go back on the pill for a while. Then, we'll see how my ovaries are looking, and start over. We are also compiling a list of questions for our WTF?! appointment with the RE in a couple of weeks.

I'm still pretty uncomfortable from ER, and generally feel pretty shitty. Hiding out with a bottle of wine (thanks Smoon) sounds like a good plan for now.

KG made me promise that we won't give up yet. But, with his big blue eyes, he did admit that he's, "...tired of being in the 1%." Amen.

Edited to add: If you or someone you know has had zero fertilization, please comment.

spoke too soon

You know it is bad when your RE calls you herself.

0.

Zip.

None.

That's how many of my 23 eggs fertilized.

Even more frustrating? 19 of my eggs and KG's sperm all looked perfect. They have no explanation.

I can't remember some of what she said because I was so stunned. What I do remember is that she said next time, we would do ICSI.

Utter despair.

Houston, We Have Lift-off

You see these feet? These belong to someone who lived through retrieval this morning!

I won't bore you with all the details but it went very smoothly. The nurse was incredibly nice and got my IV in with no trouble at all.

When I woke up, I was given a slip of paper that said they had retrieved...23. 23 eggs. For serious!

At trigger, my estrogen was at about 1,900. Well into the safe zone. But, with 23 eggs, I won't lie: I'm worried about OHSS.  So, I'll drink some Gatorade and eat lots of protein and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I got a yummy treat delivery from a close friend that shall be known as Angel. Truly, that is what she is to bring me peanut butter chocolate cupcakes this afternoon.

His Royal Fabulousness is a perfect Florence Nightengale and held my hand through almost the whole thing. While he waited, he got to enjoy this view from the clinic's windows:

Now, we wait to heart about fertilization results and whether we will have a 3 or 5 day transfer. For now, enjoying what's left of my buzz and making love to my heating pad, while wearing the socks that Kayla got me!

It's On Like Donkey Kong

Triggering 10pm tonight. Retrieval at 7:30am Monday. Holy. Crap.

My less than favorite nurse was the one who called. She made me so nervous that I forgot to ask about my estrogen level. I guess it doesn't matter, right?

Last minute words of advice anyone? Feeling a strange mixture of excitement and fear!

"You really turned a corner."

Last night, I was hanging out with Ginger and Smoon again. I was moaning about how my injections are starting to take a big bite out of my social life. Example: I had to make a trip all the way back home, before we could all go out and eat, because I had to mix my stupid Menopur. Another example: Smoon offered me a ticket to see a musical tomorrow and I am stressed about how I'll be able to do my night time injections. See?! Seriously, I've been stimming for 11 days and I am so sick of this shit.

Fast forward to this morning's monitoring appointment: Well, I can't believe it. Between Wednesday and yesterday, we made major progress. On Wednesday, my estrogen was at 404. Yesterday, it was over 1,000! We also saw 18 follicles on ultrasound. Pretty impressive number. Although most were pretty small (largest was 14, others between 8-11), the nurse told me she wanted me back in today because, "I really turned a corner." Low and behold everything grew overnight and the largest ones today were 18, with several close behind at 15 and 16. The ultrasound tech, whom I had never met before and was SUPER perky, said I was getting very close to retrieval. She called my uterus "beautiful" and talked to my ovaries "Mr. Righty" and "Mr. Lefty." You can't make this stuff up.

I'm hoping, when I get my instructions later today, they will tell me that Monday or Tuesday will be our day. We might actually be nearing the finish line.

And so, some eighties inspiration for imminent victory ahead! 

post-it love

photo credit: shelterpop.com

I have a really, really bad short term memory. There are many conversations I don't remember shortly after. I ask people to repeat information pretty often.  I might have have forced KG to drive to school, delivering important things I left at home. Hell, I even locked myself out of the house once (okay, 3 times) because I forgot my keys (and phone!). So, to become a functioning adult, I had to figure out work-arounds and strategies to get me through my day-to-day life.

Seriously, I think of my brain as a faulty hard drive. However, instead of relying on the the hard drive alone, I have an external drive for backing up all my data: post its.

I am pretty convinced that I use more post-its than most human beings. They cover my desk at work. They are on my refrigerator. They are on my phone. They are in my purse. They show up randomly in my IVF med boxes (more on that later). Simply put, post-its and I have a special relationship.  If I could make love to them, I would.

Along these lines, I also force KG to use post-its regularly. Picture this scenario: I have just gone to bed, lights out, covers tucked in.

Then...I remember something important.

Me: "KG! Can you write me a post-it?!"
This is followed by yelling out cryptic phrases to put on said post-it, to jog my memory when I see it in the morning. This has happened hundreds of times.

Being the smart ass that he is, KG started adding to my notes with his own witty banter. Example?
Me: "Can you write, 'planning time'?"
<translation: Schedule some planning time with math coordinator at school>
Post-It Note: "Planning time. Not Hammer time."

You get the idea.

Well, since this cycle started, KG has turned his funny post-its into sincere affirmations and words of support.   I have found them near the coffee maker saying, "You rock." I have found them on my laptop saying, "You are so brave!" I have found them inside my laptop, stuck to my space bar, saying, "Boo! I love you!" My personal favorite, was found inside one of my Gonal-F pen boxes. It said, "Thank you."

As you can imagine, these little notes are making the excruciatingly slow progress of this cycle a little easier to take.

At least now, I can look at a post-it not only as a sign of early Alzheimer's but also a little reminder that the efforts for this baby are appreciated.

Now, let's talk about Gmail Calendar...
_________________________________________
IVF Update:
-I have been stimming for over a week. Saturday's estrogen was 15, Monday was 187, Wednesday was 404, and tomorrow morning, I'm hoping for at least 800. Shoot. Me. Now.
- Wednesday's ultrasound only showed 1 measurable follicle on the right, with lots of little ones on both the right and the left, that just weren't big enough yet.
- Lots more stimming in my future, me thinks.

Song of the Day: I was listening to the radio this morning, and the DJs were talking about raunchy songs. That got me thinking about the dirtiest songs that I have ever heard. This one came to mind immediately: Prince's "Darling Nikki." Any other Purple Rain fans out there?
What's the dirtiest song you have ever heard?


BTW: Foo Fighters did an amazing, but rare, cover of this song.

home cooking...

I love to cook. Before I was a full-time IFer, this was my main hobby. I just love food and making new dishes makes me feel really creative and accomplished. Although I haven't been cooking as many new dishes, I do still make my favorite comfort foods pretty often.

This week, I made a dish that always makes me think of my mother. To me, it is a childhood favorite meal that is scrumptious. But, as I make it, I do wonder if other people would think it was strange. It is a chicken dish that has a sauce that includes orange juice concentrate and garlic. There is more to it, but what you end up with is saucy, moist chicken that is served over rice. Luckily, KG likes it a lot too. But, I remember making it in college, for my roommates, and having them a little weirded out about the ingredients.  Still, it makes me happy every single time we eat it.

Do all families have meals that they make, that might appear strange to others? Do you?

P.S. Thanks so much for all the suggestions about both Menopur burn, and how to pass the time. I tried injecting it myself, very slowly, tonight and it went MUCH better. As for passing the time, anything involving baked goods, movies, and/or massages sounds good to me.

So exciting to see so many new readers. Welcome!

Soooooo sloooooooow

...my progress that is. I have had 2 monitoring appointments so far, and no measurable follicles yet.

What are my estrogen levels, you ask? 15 on Saturday, 187 today. Going in the right direction, but damn. Hurry up.

In the meantime, my Menopur shots have started to burn (they had me increase from 75u to 150u) and I have started some fantastic mood swings and emotional episodes. Good times!

On the upside, both on Saturday and today, they were able to see both ovaries with dildocam. So, I'm pretty much over my retrieval fears. Small victory, right?

So, to close this brief post, a couple of questions:
PCOSers: How long did you stim with your IVF cycles?

Everyone: What are your favorite ways to pass the time during your cycles and TWW?

Song of the day: His Royal Fabulousness is a huge fan of The Doors.

See if you can guess why I chose this song. :)

ICLW - Well hello there!

I have found a lot of really great blogs through ICLW, so I always enjoy this week of the month. Welcome to anyone new to the blog. You can find my TTC history here. At the moment, I am in the middle of my first IVF cycle, getting used to all that entails.

TTC is a major part of my blog, but so are music, writing, and general grumblings from a barren teacher. I am also a movie lover, especially quirky films from the 50s-present.

Appropriately enough, Raising Arizona is on HBO this morning. If you have never seen it (really? What's wrong with you?!) it is the story of a really bad convenience store robber (Nicholas Cage) and his wife, a policewoman (Holly Hunter). They are infertile and get the idea to steal a baby from a wealthy family who recently had quints. It is by the Coen brothers (Fargo, The Big Lebowski) and it is astoundingly funny and tragic. I have loved this movie for many years, but once you watch it as someone who desperately wants a baby, it does have a certain extra depth than it did in my 20s.

Being an IFer will drive you to do crazy things. I guess stealing a baby is a little overboard though...

Bad um, ching!

Everything's Coming Up Millhouse

3 particularly nice things have happened in the last 24 hours. In the spirit of being more positive, I thought I would focus on those instead of the things that made me want to put my forehead through the wall.

1. At my blood draw (results to come later this afternoon) and dildocam today, the technician was extra patient (working around gas bubbles and my slow bowels - yup, I said it) and was able to find both my ovaries internally. This calmed some of my fears about them not being able to retrieve from  my left side. Nothing measurable yet, but that's to be expected. I stim "low and slow" as they say, so I'll hope for more progress in a few days.

2. I spent last night with two of my closest friends (we'll refer to them as Ginger and Smoon). KG and Ginger's DH were there too, loudly getting drunk and being silly. I have been complaining about not drinking during this IVF cycle to anyone who will listen (don't judge, I'm stressed). Yes, I know it is a stupid thing to be sad about, but it sucks. Ginger very sweetly bought me some alcohol-free champagne (much better than one would think) to drink while the others imbibed. It was a small but really thoughtful gesture of kindness. What can I say, I'm a sap.

3. Smoon is a constant reader of my blog, which already makes me love her even more than I already do. Last night she flattered me. She said that by reading the blog, she can see how far I have come on this journey and that she sees I'm no longer such a newb. I'm more experienced and basically just more at peace than before. It was completely validating and gave me some pride. Big kisses Smoon.

I don't think people realize the power of small acts of kindness like these. When they accumulate, they make you feel like people give a shit about you. That they are listening. That they care. I thank my lucky stars that I have people (IRL and online) that give me this kind of love.

Like I said, focusing on the positive over here.

Song of the day: "Last Leaf" by OK Go.  I go to shows quite a bit, and OK Go is one of my favorites to see live. You might remember them from a performance on the MTV Awards a few years back, where they did a choreographed treadmill routine to their song "Here It Goes Again." They are usually a super upbeat, rock out band. But, this is a really tender little ballad. The video is off beat (as they all are from OK Go) but watch anyway.

"If you should be the last autumn leaf hanging from the tree
I'll still be here waiting on the breeze to bring you down to me
And if it takes forever, forever it'll be
And if it takes forever, forever it'll be

And if you should be the last seed in spring to venture out a leaf
I'll still be here waiting on the rain to warm your heart for me
And if it takes forever, forever it'll be
And if it takes forever, forever it'll be"





Edited to add: Check out this video too: SO CREATIVE.

"Shouldn't be a problem"

Today, I went in for my pre-op visit with my RE to sign consent for my egg retrieval and to answer last minute questions. Overall, she thinks our chances are great and that we just haven't had many opportunities to get me to ovulate, which is why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. She said my blood work all looked goodish (my LH and FSH which have previously been classically PCOS are apparently very strange and low right now) and I have no structural issues with my ovaries or uterus (duh, I knew that). All excellent news.

Of course, there is always a but...

As we were going over my information, she noticed that the ultrasound technician wrote that my left ovary is hard to detect with the dildocam, and they need to use an external ultrasound to see it. This has been true for over a year. During every ultrasound, except for 1 or 2, they always need to go over my belly to see it, and then BAM it shows up on the screen right away. It's almost like my ovaries sit diagonally from each other, one high up, and one low down.

She said this shouldn't be a problem, as they will have a nurse push down on my ovary to get it within reach during retrieval. "It shouldn't be a problem," she said. SHOULDN'T is the operative word here. Apparently there is a remote chance they won't be able to get my eggs from that side. Apparently this is usually only a problem for women with lots of scar tissue from a myomectomy or some other structural issue that blocks the way to the ovary. But for fuck's sake - one more thing to worry about. Big. Sigh.

So, tonight I start stims: Gonal-F and Menopur. I asked if she thinks I'll have to stim for as many days as with my IUIs (A LOT of days). Her prediction: YUP. Yet. Another. Big. Sigh.

I ended up telling her about my serious IV fear and she was very sweet about it, writing it in big letters on my consents for the anesthesiologist to see. She even told me she wished she could give me a valium, but she isn't allowed to because of signing more consents on the morning of ER.

Yeah, I wish you could too. Seriously, I'll pay you to slip me something good. Valium, Xanax, Klonipin. Any of those would do.

As I was chatting with my RE on the way into her office (she is a huggy, chatty type), I looked to my right into the lab. There was a girl waiting to have her blood drawn, completely sobbing. I swear, I wanted to hug her right then and there. She must have just gotten bad news from my RE and I kept wondering if she was at the beginning, middle, or end of her journey. My guess is she is just starting out and got a diagnosis, but who knows.

I don't know what I would have said to her if I had the chance. Hopefully something that would make her feel supported and understood. Hopefully, I might give her a little bit of the feeling all of you give me.

_________________
Now for the fun stuff:

 - A while back, I submitted a piece of writing to RESOLVE for their winter newsletter. I never heard back and assumed the piece was too long. Then, low and behold, I found out it was published! A little thing, but it made my day. There doesn't seem to be an online version available, so I'll post the piece over the weekend.

Song of the Day:
I was a big Amy Winehouse fan. Actually, I still am. Despite the media drama, she was incredibly talented. Lately, I have been listening to the cover she did, on Mark Ronson's album, of a song by an obscure band called the The Zutons. The song is called "Valerie" and I dare you not to bop your head as she sings. An upbeat song for an upbeat day.




(the song starts about 45 seconds into the video)

Spartan Spirit!

I am channeling my inner Spartan Cheerleader today:

"Who has no cysts in my ovaries? It's me! It's me!"

 

photo credit: NBC

Ultrasound went very well this morning and we are set to go. Stims start tomorrow!

Thanks so much to Kayla for my comfy fertility socks, worn proudly this morning.

Big Girls...You are Beautiful!

14,306 words written this weekend. Yup, that's right. My progress reports are all drafted.

I can't emphasize enough what a huge undertaking these are, especially at a private school.

My timeline looked like this:
Last Sunday - 3 hours spent on one report that needed to be completed early
Over the course of last week: gathering assessment data, compiling notes, looking through portfolios, and beginning skills checklists
Friday - 3 hours of work after a full school day
Saturday-Monday: worked 5-6 hours per day, only stopping for lunch and pee breaks
Tomorrow: after dildocam in the morning, will edit and proofread all of them
Wednesday: trade reports with teaching partner, making any subsequent changes
Friday: get edits from Head of School

Then, we get to wait for emails and phone calls from parents, questioning each and every statement we wrote about their children. Oy.

So...
To celebrate my victory over my progress reports, I played some Just Dance 2 (which I am starting to prefer to Just Dance 3...yup) on our Wii. Because this is the only exercise I can seem to force myself to do these days, I look pretty spastic trying to break a sweat. But, man is it fun. Somehow I forget while I'm playing about my muffin top and jiggly thighs, for a little while.

For this reason, one of the songs on the soundtrack by Mika gives me a total ego boost, being a big girl myself.

Enjoy this tribute to all us girls with a booty!

A perfect gift

Today, I gave my parent's a belated anniversary gift from 3,000 miles away. His Royal Fabulousness came up with the idea, and he is a total genius.

Here is the back story: My parents lived in Boston many years ago, when they first met. Actually, my father was in graduate school here and met her in Los Angeles (my hometown) while home on a school break. It was a blind date, and it stuck. My mother ended up marrying my dad quickly, and moving to Boston to be with him. Eventually, they moved back to California to be closer to my grandparents and so my dad could attend law school back home. They have been married for 41 years.

They look back on their time in Boston as some of the happiest years of their lives. The fact that I ended up going to college here, and then subsequently lived here permanently, made them incredibly happy. So, when they visit, they always like to visit their old favorite places. Over the years, many of these have sadly closed down. But, Durgin Park, a favorite restaurant, is still up and running. The place is a Boston institution and is located downtown, in Faneuil Hall. My folks went there all the time when they lived here, mainly for lobster and a special dessert. This very old school dessert is traced back to colonial times and is called Indian Pudding.

photo credit: simplyrecipes.com

It is a cornmeal pudding with molasses, butter, milk, spices, etc. and is served with ice cream. My parents LOVE this dessert. Seriously, they can not come to visit without making the trip to Durgin Park to get it.

So, here was KG's amazing idea:
1. Call friend in L.A. who is a caterer/personal chef/new bakeshop owner.
2. Ask her to please recreate this dessert.
3. Buy 2 of her wonderful pot pies to round out the meal, in true New England fashion.
4. Have said meal delivered to parent's home, as a surprise.

I happened to call my dad while he received the delivery and I heard really sincere surprise and joy in his voice. My parents seemed really touched by the gift. As someone who has difficulty buying good gifts for people, this one really made me feel like I did something right.

That's just one more reason to keep KG around.

So, today's song is a romantic one that KG and I often dance to, in our kitchen. It is an oldie but goodie that has stood the test of time, just like my folks.

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad.




_______________________
Status of progress reports? 5 down, 8 to go. Of course, they need to be edited and proofread, but progress is being made.

Status of IVF? AF arrived today. Lupron continues. Awaiting Tuesday morning's monitoring appointment.

Cocoon

No, not the movie. Although that would go so nicely with my post about how much I love the eighties. No, here I refer to the cocoon of report-writing I am about to enter for the next 4 days. I usually write for about 5-6 hours per day, and then turn into a puddle of exhausted mess on my couch.

So, today's song is in honor of my students, and in honor of how little I like my job on weekends like this. I know, I know, this is what I get paid the medium-sized bucks for.

Hopefully, there are some other Pink Floyd fans out there.



In other news:
• did anyone notice that in Blogger you can now reply to comments!? Like instead of doing a whole other comment, you can just reply?! Am I an idiot, or is this new?

• still wearing the big girl panties with my Lupron shots!
• yesterday was the last day of the BCP/Lupron overlap - could it have been my last pill ever?!
• hopefully AF comes tomorrow
• baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on Tuesday
• stims should start Wednesday

KG and I are SO READY to get this show on the road for reals.

Bloating, follicles, and dildocams, here we come.

I rock + a little riot girrl action

I have not felt this good about myself since I learned to tie my shoes. I managed, for the first time ever, to give myself my own injection. I had no choice (aka I was waiting on the school nurse and she was running late) but I did do it. Therefore, I am awesome today.

On that note, I was a huge fan of riot grrl bands in high school. A more famous examples was Hole, but less famous (and far better) examples include bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, L7, and my favorite, Sleater Kinney. All that music made me feel powerful when I was a teenager and it still does to this day. Here is a rockin' example that will leave you drumming on your desk. Here is Sleater-Kinney's "Little Babies." Enjoy!

Socks and Lenny

A big, huge thank you to Kayla for the fabulous fertility sock delivery today. I just love them!

Song of the Day: Believe by Lenny Kravitz. I chose Lenny for the following reasons:
1. He is one of the sexiest men alive.
2. By fate, this song came on my iPod today on my second day of Lupron shots - perfect IVF inspiration.
3. It brings back major high school memories.

Any other Lenny fans out there?



And now back to lesson prep, report writing, and dinner preparations!