"Shouldn't be a problem"

Today, I went in for my pre-op visit with my RE to sign consent for my egg retrieval and to answer last minute questions. Overall, she thinks our chances are great and that we just haven't had many opportunities to get me to ovulate, which is why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. She said my blood work all looked goodish (my LH and FSH which have previously been classically PCOS are apparently very strange and low right now) and I have no structural issues with my ovaries or uterus (duh, I knew that). All excellent news.

Of course, there is always a but...

As we were going over my information, she noticed that the ultrasound technician wrote that my left ovary is hard to detect with the dildocam, and they need to use an external ultrasound to see it. This has been true for over a year. During every ultrasound, except for 1 or 2, they always need to go over my belly to see it, and then BAM it shows up on the screen right away. It's almost like my ovaries sit diagonally from each other, one high up, and one low down.

She said this shouldn't be a problem, as they will have a nurse push down on my ovary to get it within reach during retrieval. "It shouldn't be a problem," she said. SHOULDN'T is the operative word here. Apparently there is a remote chance they won't be able to get my eggs from that side. Apparently this is usually only a problem for women with lots of scar tissue from a myomectomy or some other structural issue that blocks the way to the ovary. But for fuck's sake - one more thing to worry about. Big. Sigh.

So, tonight I start stims: Gonal-F and Menopur. I asked if she thinks I'll have to stim for as many days as with my IUIs (A LOT of days). Her prediction: YUP. Yet. Another. Big. Sigh.

I ended up telling her about my serious IV fear and she was very sweet about it, writing it in big letters on my consents for the anesthesiologist to see. She even told me she wished she could give me a valium, but she isn't allowed to because of signing more consents on the morning of ER.

Yeah, I wish you could too. Seriously, I'll pay you to slip me something good. Valium, Xanax, Klonipin. Any of those would do.

As I was chatting with my RE on the way into her office (she is a huggy, chatty type), I looked to my right into the lab. There was a girl waiting to have her blood drawn, completely sobbing. I swear, I wanted to hug her right then and there. She must have just gotten bad news from my RE and I kept wondering if she was at the beginning, middle, or end of her journey. My guess is she is just starting out and got a diagnosis, but who knows.

I don't know what I would have said to her if I had the chance. Hopefully something that would make her feel supported and understood. Hopefully, I might give her a little bit of the feeling all of you give me.

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Now for the fun stuff:

 - A while back, I submitted a piece of writing to RESOLVE for their winter newsletter. I never heard back and assumed the piece was too long. Then, low and behold, I found out it was published! A little thing, but it made my day. There doesn't seem to be an online version available, so I'll post the piece over the weekend.

Song of the Day:
I was a big Amy Winehouse fan. Actually, I still am. Despite the media drama, she was incredibly talented. Lately, I have been listening to the cover she did, on Mark Ronson's album, of a song by an obscure band called the The Zutons. The song is called "Valerie" and I dare you not to bop your head as she sings. An upbeat song for an upbeat day.




(the song starts about 45 seconds into the video)