Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"Shouldn't be a problem"

Today, I went in for my pre-op visit with my RE to sign consent for my egg retrieval and to answer last minute questions. Overall, she thinks our chances are great and that we just haven't had many opportunities to get me to ovulate, which is why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. She said my blood work all looked goodish (my LH and FSH which have previously been classically PCOS are apparently very strange and low right now) and I have no structural issues with my ovaries or uterus (duh, I knew that). All excellent news.

Of course, there is always a but...

As we were going over my information, she noticed that the ultrasound technician wrote that my left ovary is hard to detect with the dildocam, and they need to use an external ultrasound to see it. This has been true for over a year. During every ultrasound, except for 1 or 2, they always need to go over my belly to see it, and then BAM it shows up on the screen right away. It's almost like my ovaries sit diagonally from each other, one high up, and one low down.

She said this shouldn't be a problem, as they will have a nurse push down on my ovary to get it within reach during retrieval. "It shouldn't be a problem," she said. SHOULDN'T is the operative word here. Apparently there is a remote chance they won't be able to get my eggs from that side. Apparently this is usually only a problem for women with lots of scar tissue from a myomectomy or some other structural issue that blocks the way to the ovary. But for fuck's sake - one more thing to worry about. Big. Sigh.

So, tonight I start stims: Gonal-F and Menopur. I asked if she thinks I'll have to stim for as many days as with my IUIs (A LOT of days). Her prediction: YUP. Yet. Another. Big. Sigh.

I ended up telling her about my serious IV fear and she was very sweet about it, writing it in big letters on my consents for the anesthesiologist to see. She even told me she wished she could give me a valium, but she isn't allowed to because of signing more consents on the morning of ER.

Yeah, I wish you could too. Seriously, I'll pay you to slip me something good. Valium, Xanax, Klonipin. Any of those would do.

As I was chatting with my RE on the way into her office (she is a huggy, chatty type), I looked to my right into the lab. There was a girl waiting to have her blood drawn, completely sobbing. I swear, I wanted to hug her right then and there. She must have just gotten bad news from my RE and I kept wondering if she was at the beginning, middle, or end of her journey. My guess is she is just starting out and got a diagnosis, but who knows.

I don't know what I would have said to her if I had the chance. Hopefully something that would make her feel supported and understood. Hopefully, I might give her a little bit of the feeling all of you give me.

Now for the fun stuff:

 - A while back, I submitted a piece of writing to RESOLVE for their winter newsletter. I never heard back and assumed the piece was too long. Then, low and behold, I found out it was published! A little thing, but it made my day. There doesn't seem to be an online version available, so I'll post the piece over the weekend.

Song of the Day:
I was a big Amy Winehouse fan. Actually, I still am. Despite the media drama, she was incredibly talented. Lately, I have been listening to the cover she did, on Mark Ronson's album, of a song by an obscure band called the The Zutons. The song is called "Valerie" and I dare you not to bop your head as she sings. An upbeat song for an upbeat day.

(the song starts about 45 seconds into the video)


  1. My left ovary is also problematic. It's smaller than the right and likes to hide, too. Still, they were able to access it during retrieval. I think it helped that they knew it would be potentially problematic.

    Congratulations on being published again! That's incredibly exciting news!

    1. I'm kind of freaking out now. I wish she hadn't said anything :(

  2. Congrats on being published!

    I'm proud of you for being upfront about your IV fears and advocating for yourself. You are gonna be a good momma with all that energy!

  3. Your dildocam reference thrills my heart. I call it a vagcam but I much prefer your name. I'm relatively new to this world and apparently need to improve on my infertility slang. Thanks for that little nugget of goodness.

    Here's to hoping your "shouldn't" turns into "your left ovary was so kick ass it was hiding to give the right one a chance".

    1. Thanks for commenting! Welcome to the blogosphere!

    2. Things are looking pretty awesome for you right now! I worry about all of the little comments my doctor makes - sheesh, don't know they know us infertiles hang on every little word and take it all verbaitm?!

      Go stimming time!

    3. Okay - so embarrassed by all of my misspellings. I shudder. Please ignore my previous post and just read this one.

      You are doing awesome and things are going great! Go you!

  4. Yay for moving on to stims!!! Now things are going to really get going, it will fly by. Try not to let the ovary thing bug you, hopefully you'll be good and knocked out and they can push everything to where it needs to be for retrieval.

  5. Agh, I'm sorry she had to tell you about your sneaky left ovary! My right one is the hider. I don't think it has anything to do with my endo, either--it just hides. There's this balance of you needing to know stuff vs maybe not wanting to know certain things. I'd probably categorize some things as "I wish I didn't know that." But then again, we'd get mad if we didn't have warning that there could be issues.

    Congrats on getting published again!

  6. I think Jen on The Little Couple had a rogue ovary too. They eventually got all the eggs by pushing around on it. I think you be just fine! :)

    Good luck lady!

  7. LOL @ dildocam. No, seriously. I can't stop giggling. My mind is racing trying to figure out how I can work it into casual conversation. Congrats on getting published, and I'm sending good thoughts to you for more good news in the next little while.

  8. Control the things you can, and let go of the things you can't control. There isn't anything you can do about your fiercly independent ovary, and it's probably a GOOD thing it came up in advance, now they will corral it during retrieval. I have such faith in you!

  9. Wonderful news on being published. Ugh the stims are killing me. Look out world here comes my swollen pelvis! Wishing you lots of luck.

  10. Hey, my left ovary was extremely hard to get to. For the cycle that worked, the doc who did the retrieval said that I may end up with bruises on my abdomen with how hard they pushed to reach all the eggs. I thanked her PROFUSELY though, for trying so hard to get every egg. So I think this stuff is fairly common--and it's great that they know ahead of time and know where to go to find the ovary. And again, with the cycle that worked, my hormones were so off (I actually started having a luteal surge despite being on Lupron) that they didn't know if I'd actually ovulated on my own before retrieval. I didn't know until after I came out of anesthesia if they were able to get any eggs at all. And a friend of mine had her successful IVF from just one ovary of eggs. I know, there's always something to worry about, but I am thinking lots of super good thoughts for you.

    I'd be surprised if you stimmed LESS for an IVF than for an IUI. The dosing is higher, generally, so it may be around the same amount of time (I know you stimmed crazy long for your IUIs). You'll know it's working when you can't cough without feeling your ovaries.

    I'm sorry the IV is causing so much fear. Just hydrate as much as you can before the cut-off for no more eating/drinking. I found the people who did my IV were really fast and accurate at the IVF place--I hope this is true for you as well. These people do IVs all day. And the egg retrieval IV drugs are freaking amazing (Versed, Fentanyl, Propofol, if it's the same for your clinic). Instead of Klonopin, I'd maybe see if they can get you some Ativan--it's faster acting. And I prefer it to Valium as well.

    I'm always here if you have last minute questions/freakouts! love to you!!!

  11. Oh, I hate seeing other women upset at the RE, it's not only sad but it makes my imagination go wild with all kinds of terrible potential scenarios. That poor lady. I wonder if she was getting her CD2 bloods after a bad ending to a cycle. Who knows. It's sad to be in an office, surrounded by people all there for the same thing, but nobody talks to one another or knows what anyone else is going through...

  12. Congrats on being published! Good luck with the stims and I am hoping and praying so hard everything goes smoothly!

  13. My right ovary is the sneaky little bastard. The doc has to dig around for it sometimes. I would definitely not let that trouble you. You're going to kick this retrieval's ass!

  14. I will be thinking of you so much for your EPU. I am sure your RE will know exactly what to do and it will all be just fine. Hang in there! Sending lots of positive EPU vibes your way.


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