The trying not to be cliche Thanksgiving post

I know I've been absent. I know that many of you must think that my absence is because I'm pregnant. I know that it's easy to make excuses.

But, the real deal is that my work life took over my personal life, and I've been nothing but exhausted. No big excuses. I just gave in to that fatigue and gave up one of the things I love most for the last month: blogging. I feel terrible about it and miss it so, so much. I hope to get back to regular blogging soon.

I knew I had to get back here today though. Although I feel grateful every single day, I did turn into a sappy mess this morning. Something about Thanksgiving gave me that extra push to say hello again to the blogosphere and express my deep, deep gratitude to all those who have supported me since my journey began several years ago. Not for one moment do I take for granted all of the love, encouragement, and advice you all gave and continue to give me. It gave me strength when I had none and grounds me to remember where I am here and now. For that, I thank you. I may not be as present here, but I am reading. I send love to every one of you.

I am also thankful for every flip, turn, and kick The Nugget gives me. So many times I was a crumpled, crying mess - never for a second believing I could be this lucky. The infertile in me still winces when I hear complaints about normal pregnancy symptoms from any woman. I have to restrain myself from screaming, "Do you know how lucky you are?! Stop worrying about heartburn and backaches." I've said it before and I'll say it again - I am incredibly fortunate to be where I am, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Not for one second do I take any of it for granted.

Mostly, I am thankful for His Royal Fabulousness and the amazing strength he shows every single day. He is the one constant in my life and without such a completely committed and steadfast partner, I would have been lost long before we had a miscarriage, 2 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed IUIs, cysts, and failed fertilization on IVF #1.

So there it is. I'm one happy, thankful, sappy, exhausted woman these days.

I'm not big on pregnancy updates, but here are some bullets for those who like such things:
• My low-lying placenta moved up on it's own. Score!
• The Nugget continues to grow well and measure about a week ahead.
• At yesterday's doctor's appointment it seemed like he had finally turned head down. We'll double check in 2 weeks.
• I had my Boston baby shower about 2 weeks ago. I had friends come in from NY, NJ and even Washington DC for it. It was low-key and so, so fun.
• We completed childbirth class last weekend. We feel much more prepared, or at least not as clueless.
• The nursery is coming together. Compared to some of the AMAZING nurseries you all are building, mine seems downright lame by comparison! But it is warm, cozy, and will work just fine for us. My mom made the amazing curtains and we still have a wall decal to put up, as well as some other decorative pieces. We are still figuring out storage for books and toys. But, here is a peek:

Dr. Seuss theme - Seuss lamp, clock on the wall, and curtains!

My awesome SIL gave us the changing table, dresser, and glider. The crib just happens to match!

Close-up of Seuss fabric. It has a very cute blue border.

I hope you all have an enjoyable Thanksgiving. I know, for some of you, getting through the holidays is really tough. It was for me. Just keep your chin up and hug people close to you.

My To-Do Lists have To-Do Lists

I don't know where the summer went. One minute, I was wrapping up end-of-year meetings at school, and the next I'm preparing to return on Monday. Although every summer goes quickly for me, this one really seemed jam packed. Between taking a few small trips, searching for day care, doctor's appointments, projects, tutoring, a week in Maine, and working on some curriculum material, it just flew.

Monday, I'll be back at school. Once again, I'll turn into "Mrs. HRF." It's a little known fact that teachers get just as nervous about the new school year as students do. I always get some nerves during this last week of summer, but this year I'm even more anxious. The truth is, I'm really going to have to dig deep to give my normal 100% at school this fall. Not only am I preoccupied with The Nugget but there will also be two other brand spanking new curriculum initiatives in my classroom, which puts me pretty far out of my comfort zone. After eight years of teaching, I'm having to completely change the way I teach. It's a lot to handle, knowing I'll miss 12 weeks of it. 

The best way I know to handle anxiety is to talk about it and write things down. So, this week, I made a pretty comprehensive Baby To-Do list for KG and I to tackle. Holy crap. By the end, the list is at least 20 items long, including cleaning tasks, nursery prep, appointments, phone calls, and more. Then I realized some items on the list necessitated another list, and a post-it.

What I worry about most is how there is going to be enough of me to go around. Logically, I know KG will help me get through the list of practicalities. He will help me clean out our office, move it to another room, and create a nursery. We will rent a truck and pick up the furniture we are receiving from friends and family. We will scrub this place down before the shower. The carpet will get shampooed. Somehow, by the time this baby arrives, the tedious stuff will happen, even though it feels daunting.

I'm more worried about how to accomplish all that, AND be a good teacher, good wife, good friend, and a prepared mama. Then that snowballs into worrying about how I'm going to handle training a maternity leave sub and going back to work in April, after my leave. There almost isn't room right now to be concerned with things like actual parenting and infant care!

I know a lot of my anxiety is purely the anticipation. Once I start again, I'll have to figure out how to manage it all. KG also made a good point the other day. He said I might need to learn how to be okay with not being able to do everything I did before. I'll need to learn how to say no to certain duties, admit when I'm tired, and get my work ego in check. All true.

Thank goodness, just when I'm near meltdown, The Nugget reminds me of the real priority with a kick, nudge, or push.
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PSA: RESOLVE is asking for video submissions for this campaign. I am considering making one, and you should too.

The Daycare Post, by popular request

Several of you ladies asked me to post a summary of the daycare hunt I went on, and your wish is my command. Keep in mind, all of this is just my experience and my preferences. I do not claim to be an expert by any means. I am cutting and pasting some of the information below from an email exchange I had with Lanie, for convenience.

Let me preface by saying we had very specific needs for our day care situation. Not only did we need it to be licensed, clean, organized, and have that good "feel," but also it needed to meet very practical concerns. We were looking for a place that would accommodate all (or at least most) of the following:

1. I'm a teacher so I want a 10 month (not 12) schedule.
2. I also want 3 days per week, not 5, since FIL is willing to do 2.
3. I teach at a private school, so our vacation schedule is different than public schools. I wanted a place that does NOT close during public school vacation weeks in February/April.
4. I want the day care to be within very short distance to either home or my husband's work. I work in a very affluent suburb and had no hope of finding affordable care in that area. Plus FIL lives close to our home, so in an emergency I need him to be able to pick up the baby.
5. We have a pretty specific budget.
6. I needed a center that had workable hours for both my husband's schedule and mine, such as 7 or 8 to 5 or 6 instead of closing at 3 or 4, which some did. We wouldn't leave the baby all those hours but some days are different than others.

There were other things we were looking for, but these were the top ones.

I researched, called around, and talked to friends A LOT before setting up 5 appointments. I visited one in-home day care (10 kids - came from personal rec), 3 larger group daycares (1 came from personal rec, 40ish kids each, divided into age groups), and 1 church based daycare (personal rec, 20ish kids, divided into age groups). I didn't visit large chain day cares (Kindercare, Bright Horizons, A Place to Grow) because it was cost prohibitive for us. I also didn't pursue visiting more than 1 in-home daycare because I quickly figured out I was just more comfortable in a center setting.

It was a serious education. It is not as simple as going to the old lady down the street, who served Kraft Mac and Cheese anymore. (Anyone else have that experience?)

Here is what I learned:

1. No where is going to be perfect.
2. A lot is based on gut feeling when you walk into a place and meet the director/caregiver.
3. Personal preference plays a key role. I have a girlfriend whom I love to death, but she and I visited two of the same daycares and had drastically opposing views about them. Go figure.
4. Many daycares in my area often either require 5 days for infant care with a flat fee, or make their part time hourly rate so high that 5 days feels like a bargain. I ended up choosing one that charged a straightforward daily rate.
5. As personal preference, I liked the idea of a center better than an in-home day care because I like the idea of more staff, a director overseeing, more structure, etc. Some people love the homey nature of in-home day cares and I agree that a smaller group of kids is definitely a plus. BUT, I just had to go with my gut and I preferred a center. Many of the centers even have webcams where you can watch what's happening during the day!
6. The Massachusetts state mandated ratio of infants to adults in licensed daycares is 3:1. Check on it for your state.
7. Make sure to ask whether all staff are First Aid/Infant CPR certified.
8. Call references.

I'm relieved to say that we put in a deposit at one of the larger day cares, down the street from our house, last week. It ticked a lot of our boxes, appeared clean and organized, and had good references. I'm lucky in that I can see how it goes from April-June and then re-evaluate while on summer vacation. I have a backup in mind, in case it isn't the right place for us, as long as they have a spot.

I can't believe how stressful choosing a daycare was. The truth is, I have no idea how my feelings or instincts will change when The Nugget is here. I am taking my best guess at what will work for us, until I have a better frame of reference. Here's hoping I made a good choice.

On that note, I leave you with a new pic, because it's been a couple of weeks and I am astounded at the evolution of my belly.

17 weeks