Those of you who have read my blog for a while might remember a few letters (here, here, and here) I wrote to the universe, asking why I am put in uncomfortable situations with a pregnant co-worker. In the other instances, it was a conversation with said co-worker that made me want to throw a weaponized spork. This time, the co-worker wasn't even there.
Dear Universe,
Yesterday was a fucking weird experience. I had one of those moments, that so many of us have, when we realize that we not only have too much of an infertility/pregnancy education, but we feel the need to educate others. I actually had to defend the one so deserving of my spork in times past. WTF?
When I heard that the waif had been out a lot lately, I inquired as to why. She is pretty far along (6 months maybe?) and I know that the doctor's appointments start to multiply at that point. However, her absences were noticeable enough even for me to notice, and I avoid her most of the time these days. But, when I heard why she has been out so much, some other part of my brain took over.
What I heard was that she is having, "...some kind of problem with her cervix."Some co-workers were a bit snarky about her missing so much work, but I couldn't help but pipe up. After reading stories like that of ADSchill I just know too much and actually stuck up for the waif. "Actually, cervical issues can be really dangerous. Her uterus is what is holding in the baby! So, it's good she's keeping such a close eye on it." The snarkers blinked at me for a second, and I started to hear crickets. They said something about me knowing a lot about pregnancy, and I laughed it off. On what planet would I have ever thought I would be the one to have empathy and fear for that girl?
On planet ALI.
Argh,
HRF
__________________________________
Other notes for the week:
• Sorry I have been out of touch for a week - really busy at work. Trying to catch up on all my blogger buddies
• I know a few of you tagged me in this question meme that has been going around. For the reason above, I haven't been able to get to it. I'll try this week.
• Yesterday, Smoon and I went for a mani/pedi. 2 seconds after walking in the salon:
Manicurist who looks familiar to me: "You had a baby, right?"
Me: <blink, blink> "No."
Manicurist: "Oh, sorry, sorry!"
Me <to Smoon>: "Really?!"
Sigh.
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tell me something good...the WTF appt
Well, if anything has been anticlimactic, it was today's appointment.
Let me start by saying, once again, that I really like my RE. She started the visit by hugging KG and I several times. She is kind, empathetic, patient, and talks to me like an adult. She is also on a bunch of "Best Doctors" lists, which makes her warmth even more surprising.
This is the gist in bullets (because I love bullets). Don't expect to be blown away by new information.
• They still have no idea why we had zero fertilization with 19 mature eggs and good lookin' sperm.
• They checked for every possible reason including, but not limited to, lab error, culture medium, egg/sperm quality, batch quality issues, etc.
• They see this kind of zero fertilization (with young, healthy eggs and good sperm) a few times per year. It is VERY rare, which is why she didn't mention it as a possibility before retrieval. More often, they see it with MFI, bad eggs, or low ovarian reserve. She said it could be something as intangible as the sperm/eggs not liking the lab environment.
• The embryologist reported NOTHING unusual with our sperm or eggs.
• Sperm did adhere to my eggs, but they did not break through and fertilize. This gives me hope for ICSI next time. Maybe if we can just get those suckers inside my eggs, all will be well.
• They do not do rescue ICSI because there are almost no documented case of it resulting in pregnancy. Eggs have a 24 hour shelf life, and therefore injecting sperm past that time is useless. This Oxford article supports that claim.
• At one time, most clinics did do ICSI on all IVF cases. However, she said currently most clinics (maybe those in New England?) have decided that, unless a couple has pre-existing reasons for ICSI, they want to be as minimally invasive as possible.* Now that we show a reason for its use...
• They will not change my med protocol much because my E2 (estrogen) and follicle development were perfect. I also had no OHSS (THANK GOD). All good things.
• I asked what we would do if we still had zero fertilization after ICSI, and she said that she had no answer for that right now because it has never happened at this clinic. Interesting! If it did happen, it would go to review with her colleagues.
Sooooo...
The Plan
1. Wait for AF (she will probably arrive next week)
2. Call CD1, go back on BCP on day 3.
3. Do at least 3-4 weeks of pills, during which time insurance authorization and potential Lupron start date all get worked out.
4. Keep going for electro-acupuncture to try and fix up my ovaries
5. Go in for pre-Lupron ultrasound to make sure I am not all cyst-y
6. Start. all. the. fuck. over.
By my estimate, that leaves us starting Lupron again in late March, if all goes well.
I know I'm supposed to be comforted by the fact that a zero fert outcome with ICSI is so rare, but unfortunately I have googled the crap out of all of this and know that it is possible. But, what else can we do? We can keep moving forward.
In the meantime, I'm thinking some margaritas, pedicures, and frivolous spending is on the agenda.
Have I mentioned I had my first shellac manicure over the weekend? Life changing, I tell you.
*Please don't be offended or think anything is wrong with your clinic if they do ICSI on all cases. I wish my clinic would.
Let me start by saying, once again, that I really like my RE. She started the visit by hugging KG and I several times. She is kind, empathetic, patient, and talks to me like an adult. She is also on a bunch of "Best Doctors" lists, which makes her warmth even more surprising.
This is the gist in bullets (because I love bullets). Don't expect to be blown away by new information.
• They still have no idea why we had zero fertilization with 19 mature eggs and good lookin' sperm.
• They checked for every possible reason including, but not limited to, lab error, culture medium, egg/sperm quality, batch quality issues, etc.
• They see this kind of zero fertilization (with young, healthy eggs and good sperm) a few times per year. It is VERY rare, which is why she didn't mention it as a possibility before retrieval. More often, they see it with MFI, bad eggs, or low ovarian reserve. She said it could be something as intangible as the sperm/eggs not liking the lab environment.
• The embryologist reported NOTHING unusual with our sperm or eggs.
• Sperm did adhere to my eggs, but they did not break through and fertilize. This gives me hope for ICSI next time. Maybe if we can just get those suckers inside my eggs, all will be well.
• They do not do rescue ICSI because there are almost no documented case of it resulting in pregnancy. Eggs have a 24 hour shelf life, and therefore injecting sperm past that time is useless. This Oxford article supports that claim.
• At one time, most clinics did do ICSI on all IVF cases. However, she said currently most clinics (maybe those in New England?) have decided that, unless a couple has pre-existing reasons for ICSI, they want to be as minimally invasive as possible.* Now that we show a reason for its use...
• They will not change my med protocol much because my E2 (estrogen) and follicle development were perfect. I also had no OHSS (THANK GOD). All good things.
• I asked what we would do if we still had zero fertilization after ICSI, and she said that she had no answer for that right now because it has never happened at this clinic. Interesting! If it did happen, it would go to review with her colleagues.
Sooooo...
The Plan
1. Wait for AF (she will probably arrive next week)
2. Call CD1, go back on BCP on day 3.
3. Do at least 3-4 weeks of pills, during which time insurance authorization and potential Lupron start date all get worked out.
4. Keep going for electro-acupuncture to try and fix up my ovaries
5. Go in for pre-Lupron ultrasound to make sure I am not all cyst-y
6. Start. all. the. fuck. over.
By my estimate, that leaves us starting Lupron again in late March, if all goes well.
I know I'm supposed to be comforted by the fact that a zero fert outcome with ICSI is so rare, but unfortunately I have googled the crap out of all of this and know that it is possible. But, what else can we do? We can keep moving forward.
In the meantime, I'm thinking some margaritas, pedicures, and frivolous spending is on the agenda.
Have I mentioned I had my first shellac manicure over the weekend? Life changing, I tell you.
*Please don't be offended or think anything is wrong with your clinic if they do ICSI on all cases. I wish my clinic would.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Times Like These
Yesterday, I had an important, tough, and emotional conversation with my mom.
Today, I saw my therapist (a good thing for everyone) and brought home 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
Tomorrow, we have our WTF?! appointment with the RE, armed with a long list of questions.
I'm tired already.
P.S. KG has written some of the best post-its ever this week.
I want to send a big, huge congratulations to many of my fellow bloggers who either had successful transfers or BFPs this week. There seemed to be a big wave of good luck flowing through the blogosphere.
Today, I saw my therapist (a good thing for everyone) and brought home 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
Tomorrow, we have our WTF?! appointment with the RE, armed with a long list of questions.
I'm tired already.
P.S. KG has written some of the best post-its ever this week.
I want to send a big, huge congratulations to many of my fellow bloggers who either had successful transfers or BFPs this week. There seemed to be a big wave of good luck flowing through the blogosphere.
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