Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dear Universe: The Sequel

Dear Universe,

Seriously? You've done it again.

In no way should I have been forced to spend 30 minutes with a preggo co-worker who is complaining about the 10 pounds she has gained. 10 pounds, in 5 months. Really? Starting out as a waif must have been really tough. What WILL you do?

Where did I put that weaponized spork I mentioned...



  1. Argh!!!! I feel your pain. I just had a colleague tell me she was pregnant with her second. BOTH pregnancies she has gotten pregnant on (literally) the one day that month that they "tried". She kept gushing about how if her husband merely LOOKED at her, she'd get pregnant. SPORK!!

  2. Gross. I can't stand people like that. I'm going to show off my weight gain when I'm prego. I've waited so long for this, I'm going to enjoy every bit of it.

  3. Wow. She is so lucky that she is pregnant at all. I bet you want to say that to her all the time...
    I am always a little nervous about weight gain, but I am already overweight (according to BMI) but I could care less if I were to have a healthy pregnancy.
    Some people are so ignorant and ungrateful.

  4. I have an idea: start bring cupcakes/cookies/so-sort-of-sweet to work. Display them during lunch for all to enjoy. If she's really that worried about her weight, she'll stay clear of you. If she imbibes, act surprised and say something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were worried about gaining all that weight. I mean, if I was lucky enough to be pregnant, I wouldn't care. But you seem to, so I don't want to tempt you. Here, have a carrot stick."

    BTW: Post photos of said spork.

  5. I want a space laser, spork be damned.

  6. Cristy - love the plan. I came SO CLOSE to telling her to STFU!

    I'll have to sneak a spork home and post a pic.

    I'm thinking I should look into a spork with a silencer. :)

  7. Although I ultimately wouldn't want to tell her of my personal infertility problems, I'd be tempted to say something to the effect of "Oh, wow, that must be tough, I've been struggling with infertility, giving myself 10 shots a day and upping my hormones, making myself crazy, all to even attempt to get pregnant. I can't imagine how tough gaining weight is." with a TOTALLY straight face. Give her perspective with a dose of humility. But that's just me. -Moon

    PS how cool I figured out how to post finally!!

  8. Oh my word. I would not have been able to remain silence during that. What a jerk.

  9. Moon - I am so happy you can comment! :) And yes, I keep planning the perfect thing to say to her. A la Charlotte: "I curse the day you were born!"


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