Friday, December 16, 2011

One foot out the door

At this time tomorrow, I will be on a plane to Aruba. It couldn't come soon enough!

The other night, after I took a picture of my meds, I promptly had an emotional meltdown. I should preface by saying that I had a series of stressful things happen all in a row on Tuesday.

1. I realized a few hours before a meeting at school that I forgot about a therapy appointment. My therapist gets really annoyed when she gets last minute cancellations so I was really nervous about calling her. I just felt so lame because I have been forgetting things left and right lately. So I left her a long, convoluted message about why I couldn't miss the meeting, then hung my head.

2. A few minutes later, I decided to check the status of a Caremark (mail away prescription company) order I placed last weekend. On this order I had SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED 2 DAY SHIPPING. I even drew an arrow to the little box I checked on the form so that I would have it in plenty of time for Aruba. I had a sinking feeling about this, and I was right. They ignored my 2 day mail request and shipped it standard mail. This sent me into a total panic because these are my "happy pills" and I am so afraid they won't arrive in today's mail. I can't just STOP them suddenly. Like really, it can cause bad, bad results that way. So, I have spent the last several days frantically checking the status and going back and forth on the phone with my therapist trying to find a solution.

3. Yet another co-worker announced a pregnancy yesterday.

4. Work has been super stressful lately, for a ton of reasons that sound stupid when you say them out loud to people who don't work at a school. :)

5. The sight of the IVF drugs just sent me over the edge. I broke down in tears in my kitchen. Then, the next morning at work, I cried at the copy machine, right before my students came in. <sigh> Thanks so much to all of you who commented. Your words of support really, really help.

I am so lucky to be able to do IVF, but that doesn't make it any less scary or overwhelming. All those jokes I made about celebrities getting IVF and having kids "the easy way" seem so completely ridiculous to me now.

BRIGHT SIDE: Today is my last day of school until January 3rd AND I have exciting news that I'll be posting later today. Yay for good news.


  1. Have a wonderful trip! I hope you get your happy pills in time. This has been a week from hell for me too! I'm with you completely!

  2. "I am so lucky to be able to do IVF, but that doesn't make it any less scary or overwhelming." That sentence really resonates with me. I met a good friend for happy hour last night. We talked all about IVF and I told her all the nitty gritty details (that I learned at the 2 recent classes). She was so supportive and good, but did tell me that I'm so lucky I get to do IVF. I am. I know I am. Our insurance doesn't cover a dime of it, but hubby and I have saved and can afford it (one round). I'm lucky. But it doesn't make it any less offensive to me that I have to do it. Doesn't make it any easier. Doesn't make it any less scary or emotional. So when she (or others) tell me I'm lucky that I can do IVF, I feel like a spoiled brat when I say "yes, but it still is scary and I am angry I have to do it at all."

  3. p.s. have a WONDERFUL, much deserved vacation!!!

  4. I hate when people think that IVF is the "easy way" NONE of this easy. It just goes to show that infertility is one more thing that people do not understand.

    Hopefully you find a solution for your meds, I know the feeling of panic about going on vacation without them.

    You deserve to have an incredible time in Aruba. Relax and enjoy the sun, leave all the stress behind with us. We'll keep it safe until you get back.

  5. Babe, there is nothing easy about coming to terms with IVF or going through IVF. I am having a heck of a time just getting to the point where we order the meds. You are completely justified in your feelings and should allow them to come naturally when they need to - even if it is at the copy machine. Hang in there and know you can always come to the blog to let things out.

    Also, this Belle is super envious of your vacation! Enjoy every minute of it!

  6. These are huge, momentous steps you're taking! It's only natural to have some tears by the copy machine :) Let the tears flow, get some rest in Aruba, and I just know that you will come back ready to kick some IVF ass in January. xoxo

  7. Well, I'm glad I pursued plan B with my happy pills. They were NOT delivered today. But, I was able to get a 7 day supply from a local CVS after much haggling with my insurance. Good lord, what a nightmare.

  8. I'm so excited for you! Aruba! YAY! xoxo

    Also: happy pills. It's insane how our lives can be thrown off SO SERIOUSLY by companies who screw up and then they act like it's no big deal Grr.

  9. Jealous of your trip to Aruba but hoping you have a WONDERFUL time - I know you will! Try and relax, enjoy yourself and your time with hubby. xoxo

  10. Have a fantastic trip! And I work at a school so I can only imagine! Take care!

  11. I know when I get my meds I will cry too.

    Have a great time on vacation. I would give anything to get away right now. Enjoy as many moments as you can.


  12. Have an amazing time! Can't wait for updates when you return


Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud!