Saturday, February 18, 2012

Dear Universe revisited

Those of you who have read my blog for a while might remember a few letters (here, here, and here) I wrote to the universe, asking why I am put in uncomfortable situations with a pregnant co-worker. In the other instances, it was a conversation with said co-worker that made me want to throw a weaponized spork. This time, the co-worker wasn't even there.

Dear Universe,

Yesterday was a fucking weird experience. I had one of those moments, that so many of us have, when we realize that we not only have too much of an infertility/pregnancy education, but we feel the need to educate others. I actually had to defend the one so deserving of my spork in times past. WTF?

When I heard that the waif had been out a lot lately, I inquired as to why. She is pretty far along (6 months maybe?) and I know that the doctor's appointments start to multiply at that point. However, her absences were noticeable enough even for me to notice, and I avoid her most of the time these days. But, when I heard why she has been out so much, some other part of my brain took over.

What I heard was that she is having, "...some kind of problem with her cervix."Some co-workers were a bit snarky about her missing so much work, but I couldn't help but pipe up. After reading stories like that of ADSchill I just know too much and actually stuck up for the waif. "Actually, cervical issues can be really dangerous. Her uterus is what is holding in the baby! So, it's good she's keeping such a close eye on it." The snarkers blinked at me for a second, and I started to hear crickets. They said something about me knowing a lot about pregnancy, and I laughed it off. On what planet would I have ever thought I would be the one to have empathy and fear for that girl?

On planet ALI.


Other notes for the week:
• Sorry I have been out of touch for a week - really busy at work. Trying to catch up on all my blogger buddies

• I know a few of you tagged me in this question meme that has been going around. For the reason above, I haven't been able to get to it. I'll try this week.

• Yesterday, Smoon and I went for a mani/pedi. 2 seconds after walking in the salon:
 Manicurist who looks familiar to me: "You had a baby, right?" 
Me: <blink, blink> "No."
Manicurist: "Oh, sorry, sorry!"
Me <to Smoon>: "Really?!"



  1. It's crazy that pregnancy/IF crap can bring mortal enemies together....even for a moment, huh?

    I would've said something to the chit-chatters, too, but I probably would've been a little bitchy. :P

    I've missed your posts, I was going to email you today and then you posted!!!


    1. How are you feeling? How are the FET woes?

    2. Still pissed off :) I took it to corporate so better get settled asap.

      Basically, ttc has made me want to kill people. :)

  2. What a perfect reaction. I wish I had your poise! I hope the snarkers will remember not to assume that they know better, when they don't really know at all.

  3. The universe is whacked, its amazing how it puts us in situations which we could never have imagined ourselves in.

    I'm very glad you told the women what you did. But most of them will never get the true gravity of it, not unless they themselves have issues in this department :(

    Topic du jour aside, I just came across your blog. I'm a 'maybe' case of PCOS with 2 pregnancy loses. Two things have the biggest chance of helping somebody in our shoes-- metformin (that is now well established) and Vitamin D3 (Which is a more recent discovery, and few have cottoned onto so far). If you want to check it out, more information is on my blog.

    1. Thanks for the D3 tip. I'll ask about it. Thanks for reading/commenting!

  4. Just goes to show you how little most people actually know about reproduction. I once told someone that IFers have the same level of knowledge on reproduction as someone with a Master's degree. It's because we've been around the block, supporting one another. And with support comes education.

    Good for you for sticking up for her. I know she's been insensitive in the past and it would have been easy to let them rip on her for her absence, but you paid it forward. In hindsight, it's ironic. But in reality, there's a reason why IFers are so knowledgable and this community is an amazing source of support.

    I'm also behind on the meme. Need to get on top of that.

    And WHAT is with the manicurist? That's like asking "hey, did you put on weight? Cause I swear I remember you being skinner." (Cue palm in face)

  5. I've always been the one who knows way more about the female reproductive system than anyone else in the room, even before treatments, haha! But this sounds like basic knowledge, and that if a pregnant lady is visiting the doctor a lot it's usually for good reason.

  6. Ok, I will say the manicurist truly thought that HRF was someone else - she wasn't implying that she was fat, she literally thought HRF had just had a baby. My answer to the "Really?" was "Good LORD this really does happen to you often, huh?"

    BUT, I am SO proud of you for being a mature person at work. I just can't put into proper words how far I feel you have grown in the past two years. Not to imply you were some mere weakling before ;) Love you!!!

  7. We are defninate unofficial experts. Ive never done an IVF round in my life, but feel I could open my own clinic! At least I would have nurses that are kind, drugs that are at cost, and always well stocked!

    I have a girl in the office that I loathe. I think she is having trouble conceiving, she has been off contraception for over a year I believe. But troubles aside, she is still a bitch!

  8. What this proves is that there are crappy people everywhere. The ones who are pregnant and say crap to the ones who aren't, and the ones who aren't pregnant and say crap to those who are (or even aren't as in, "when is it your turn?"). Kudos to you for being one of the very few non-crappy people!

    p.s. I went back and read all your previous letters to the Universe. I should have written some of those myself. Maybe if we all send more letters, the Universe will finally wake up?

  9. HRF,

    You rock - and the waif is lucky to have you sticking up for her with your clueless co-workers. sounds like they need all the educatin' they can get. sigh...just wish it didn't have to fall to YOU to be the one to do it. and the mani/pedi person - yikes!! two months or so ago, a 70 yo single co-worker of mine looked at me and asked, "Are you pregnant?" I felt like i'd been slapped and literally backed out of her office as I said my single word reply: "No." she then said that it was something about the way my sweater was draping. Whatever. No one should ever ask another a question like that (unless you're 100% sure of the answer...and probably not even then). and to have a psychologist ask? Well...probably won't be making any referrals to her anytime soon b/c my opinion of her emotional intelligence just dropped significantly.

    always love reading your posts, even though i'm not a very consistent commenter.


    1. Mo - I love your posts too. So hopeful for you and Will! Congrats on the beta!

      BTW - thanks for listing my blog on your site. I get lots of traffic from you and I truly appreciate it.

  10. You go girl.... you are amazing for being so self-less and speaking up like that!

  11. I'm glad you said something. People need to understand the delicate nature of pregnancy for many of us. It's not all unicorns and bunnies. Good for you hon!

  12. Nice. Talk about the tables being turned! Who would've though us IF'ers would be defending the pregnant girls. But you're right, only in this ALI community do we have that much information.


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