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| Sandwich, MA and pretty toes |
I have always had a fear of heights. Even climbing ladders or standing on high terraces is a problem. I get that sinking pit feeling in my stomach and unavoidably picture myself falling. The feeling of insecurity and imbalance takes hold and I lose my shit. Without someone or something to hold me steady at that height, I just feel lost. My feelings about this pregnancy have felt very similar until recently. I have been so afraid of loving with this baby because what if it was all taken from me in a heartbeat. What if I fell, and then got hurt? The doppler was holding me to the ground, making me feel safe and in control.
Taking a break from the doppler gave me a chance to explore how I feel without my safety net. I was pleasantly surprised at how relaxed and happy I felt. Feel. Honestly, I haven't felt this good since our pre-TTC days. Something could go wrong at any time. But, maybe it won't. Maybe it won't.
Love the picture. Definitely looks very relaxing and just what the doctor ordered :) Sometimes we have to do things in life that are out of our comfort zone to keep growing. Congrats on stepping outside, so awesome!
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice vacation! It sounds so idyllic. I'm so glad you were able to put your worries aside while you were there. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's a huge step! And I think you discovered something very important: sometimes our safety nets can actually be harmful. They inhibit us from learning to trust and let go. You're right, there's a chance (G_d forbid) that something could happen, but many times, the fear of something happening is so much worse. I'm so glad you found the courage to let go and enjoy your vacation, worry free. That's huge.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a wonderful and stress-free 4th!
I, my dear, think you're finally finding that zen-place in your pregnancy. Sure, the doppler is fun, but all you need to stay steady is KG, and the hope that this will all work out ok. Which it will.
ReplyDelete(now can you please remind me of that one?)
SO glad you left the doppler at home and had a real vacation. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were down the cape too!! Nothing like a little sand and sun to make your worries go away (for a little while anyways!)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'll ever get there but it sounds nice to not worry, to take a vacation from the worries. Good for you. Sounds like you had a wonderful relaxing time.
ReplyDeleteGreat job- of letting go! You did it! Enjoy the peacefulness!
ReplyDeleteCute toes and that looks so relaxing. So so happy you stepped away from your safety net and felt good. So awesome!
ReplyDeleteI like where you're going with this! You're so right - maybe it won't. So hard to let go of our fears and just accept life as it is in its pure, raw form. Glad you had the weekend to relax!
ReplyDeleteHold on to that feeling. You don't need to spend your entire pregnancy worrying; this is better for both you and the baby.
ReplyDeleteWonderful news. It's really hard to let go of the worry, but very freeing when one can. My mantra at the moment is to just enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest and to live fully in the moment!
ReplyDeleteYou sound really great. :) Your trip sounds so relaxing and I'm so proud of you for taking time for yourself, leaving the doppler at home, and finding a happy space. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteIt sucks the way that infertility can steal so much from us!
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until after I had my baby in my arms that I finally relaxed and let myself believe that he was real, that we'd actually been pregnant, that our dreams were coming true. I decided early on that however I felt, was the right way to feel. I quit judging my feelings and just let them be. I still hold on to that kind of thinking.
and pedicures are awesome. I am looking at my beautiful toes right now. :)