It is a bullet kind of day.
• Someone said to me this week that, because I did IVF, this wasn't a "real two week wait." I beg to differ. This one is worse than any other I've had.
• I believe my clinic is being especially cruel making me wait until the 27th for my beta.
• While I am trying not to obsess on every single sensation in my body right now, it is almost harder not to obsess on the lack of anything significant going on in my body.
• I started my Vivelle dots today.
• We found out the lab froze 6 embryos! We are thrilled we got so many, especially considering the outcome of IVF#1.
And now for a non-bullet. I'm wondering what you guys think of something that has been on my mind.
I keep reading about all of these amazing ritual type things some cycle buddies are doing during their TWW - things like meditation, conversations with the embies, visualization, etc. Those are amazing, positive things.
But...am I a bad person because other than not drinking alcohol or caffeine, eating good food, and taking it easy, I am doing nothing related to this embryo?
I have been thinking about this the last few days. Other than getting acupuncture a few days before and one day after transfer, DH giving my belly a kiss each day, and reiterating to each other how much we hope this works, I am finding it more comfortable to maintain some kind of emotional distance from the fact that I am technically PUPO. Don't get me wrong, I am trying hard to be positive and hopeful. But, for me, it just feels safer to not start seeing this as a real pregnancy until it feels safe to do so. Does that make sense? I'm feeling kind of guilty.
Who am I kidding? I won't feel "safe" about any pregnancy until I have a screaming baby in my arms.