Why, oh why, do I engage in self-defeating behavior?
Last night, I had a vivid dream about a BFP. I woke up from the dream at about 6:30am and couldn't go back to sleep because I thought it was a sign I should test at 6dp5dt. 6 days. Really, really early. The half-asleep optimistic part of my brain convinced the more logical part of my brain that this was a great idea. I proceeded to get out of bed and POAS.
Results? No shocker. Stark white BFN on a FRER. My chin then dropped to my chest and positivity went in the trash with the test. When KG woke up, I sheepishly confessed my sin and he just shook his head. Was he surprised I did this? Not. One. Bit.
I can't believe I did this to myself. I have one FRER left and a bunch of Wondfos and I feel like someone should remove them from my house. Clearly, I can't be trusted.
So, today KG and I have decided to get out of house and go downtown, near the site of our wedding to the Boston Aquarium. Outside the aquarium, they have a huge seal tank. Every time we feel sad, this is where we head to perk up our spirits. It never fails.
On that note, I leave you with the Alabama Shakes, "Hold On."
Great day to head to the aquarium. Love it there. Don't let that stupid stick get in your head. You know it is too early. Never heard that song, but oh so perfect. I loved it and was crying while rocking out to it! LOL. Off I go to download it for my I will have a baby playlist!
ReplyDeleteSorry for the BFN. I can't be trusted with pee sticks either. I don't even try to avoid those bad boys anymore. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up! Many of us cave and test early. It's okay. And, as you've said, a negative test now doesn't mean that your FET didn't work. It just means that you'll test again in a few days.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're enjoying the aquarium! It's beautiful here today. If you ever want to chat in person, let me know! We're right downtown. :)
Really? Are you in the North End? We ended up going to Rockport and Gloucester instead because of the Bruins game.
DeleteAs I said, think of this as your control test to make sure all the hcg from the trigger shot is out of your body. Now if you get a positive, you won't be riddled with doubts of "but what if it's just from the trigger shot?" And it's too early to have enough real hcg from a baby unless you were having multiples or some shit. Which would not be possible unless that blastie decided to split into identicals. So it's all good. Nothing lost. Now wait a few more days!!!!
ReplyDeleteSKB, you are BRILLIANT! HRF, you did a SMART thing by testing at 6DPO. =) Are you kidding me? If I were you, I would have stocked up on dollar store HPTs and peed EVERY SINGLE DAY of my 2WW. (But I'm certifiable...) Hang in there! You're halfway to the appointment, right?
ReplyDeleteGreat day to be in town. Enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above. Think of the test as a control. This is not over yet!
I don't blame you for breaking down and testing early. Glad you took some time and had a bit of fun.
ReplyDeleteI've fallen victim to false BFN's before, so don't lose hope!
xoxo
Don't beat yourself up. I probably would have done the same thing after a dream like that, but I am totally scared of pregnancy tests. Hope you had a great time at the aquarium!
ReplyDeleteWe were walking around downtown this morning too! After my b/w and u/s we got breakfast at the Paramount on Charles St. Anyways, definitely don't sweat the BFN and for crying out loud, do NOT beat yourself up about testing. IF beats us up enough. No need to add insult to injury. I'll be keeping my everything crossed for good news soon!
ReplyDeleteWould have done the SAME THING! I promise myself I'll never POaS again and then promptly waste money on them. Every. Single. Cycle.
ReplyDeleteIt is waaaaay too early to get sad. I hope you know that. Perhaps your body knows implantation happened but the stupid stick can't pick it up yet. Patience, m'dear.
Give it some more time.
ReplyDeleteI understand that urge to POAS. I debate with myself all the time. You aren't weak, just anxious. If you feel the need to test again, just wait it out a couple more days so your body has time to process. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteBah. Stupid pregnancy tests. I hate them. :( I hope the next one (which, by the way, probably shouldn't be 15 minutes after the last one) will bring good news.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I hope that the next one turns out better! I am also a POAS addict...not supposed to ovulate for 4 more weeks yet I do an OPK every morning. At least we know we're not the only crazy ones out there!
ReplyDeleteDid I mention I did the exact same thing w my IVF? Vivid dream at 5 or 6 dp5dt with the same result. Fingers crossed it was just too early!!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing a negative tells you at 5dp5dt is that it is too soon to test! And you knew that. (I know I'm late reading your posts, but I'm determinedly reading them through - and commenting - in chronological order!)
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