TMI

You can handle it, right? A little TMI? I mean, if you can't share gross details about your body with your friends...well, I suppose many people don't. So, if you don't care to know, stop reading now.

Since I found out about my 6 huge cysts and needing to wait out this cycle, I have been dealing with an issue. That issue would be a never-ending period. I started my period on September 1st. It is now September 17th. That is 17 days. Reread that sentence.

I have been on the phone A LOT with my RE's office about this. In the course of many, many calls, they have basically said this:
1. This is because I was overstimmed last cycle.
2. The birth control pills they have me on may be contributing to some "withdrawal" bleeding.
3. To hang in there, be patient, and finish the pills. I have 6 left to go.
4. To call when I am done with the pills for a baseline u/s and blood work, to see if I am ready to go back to the injections. If the cysts are still there, then I have to continue to wait.

Now, you might be thinking, "That sucks. It must be so inconvenient." This is true. But, it isn't the constant need for feminine products and extra loads of laundry are not the worst of it. The worst of it is that I have been getting progressively more depressed about it.

It took me a little while to figure out what was going on. I mean, I started a new school year, which is stressful and exhausting. So at first, I thought my low energy and lack of desire to do anything but sit on my couch was just a result of the end-of-summer blues. Those things definitely are part of the picture. But, in a session with my therapist, and in conversations with Kev, I realized what the underlying cause of my creeping sadness was: this is bringing back awful memories.

In the period of time between my miscarriage and the discovery that I needed a second D&C, I had ENDLESS spotting, bleeding, etc. It went on from late August through October of 2010. It never stopped for more than 24 hours. It was demoralizing and disturbing at a time when I was already emotionally broken.

Having this new reminder of that time is just taking the wind out of my sails. It's not the: can't-get-out-of-bed-I-want-to-live-in-a-cave depression. But it is a: this-sucks-I-just-want-to-feel-like-myself-again kind of depression.

I know this current issue will eventually end. I know that logically. But, it isn't making the days any easier at the moment. So, I am doing my best to push myself to see friends, make plans, take walks with my love, and look forward to Aruba in December. Sooner or later, it won't take so much effort to do those things, right?

Cue violins.